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  “Hey everyone! Look at me! I am the happiest man alive. I’m Grace’s boyfriend. Are you feeling alive today?” Grace couldn’t help but laugh at Gabe. A smile spread across her face and she skipped with him.

  “Come on Gabe, let’s go. Let’s get out of this freaky town, full of its staring people that think we are mad.”

  “We’re the sane ones. It’s you lot that are insane. Hands up if you are happy and free!” Gabe shouted out at the top of his voice at the throng of shoppers and the people that just seemed to be hanging about.

  The looks of ignorance, feigned shock, confusion and denial that cracked the general public’s social masks, the faces that they put on when they left the house, amused Gabe today. Made him want to strip off naked on the pedestrian precinct and do cartwheels. Gabe felt alive and in this state he truly believed that most of the evil and traumas were optional. That life gave us many that could not be avoided, but all of the man made ones were unnecessary added extras.

  Grace and Gabe ran up the road holding hands with their arms outstretched like a pair of birds flying up the walkways, scattering the seagulls in their path. Past the sherbet sellers and plastic windmill merchants and all The Middles that pulled contorted faces at the young lover’s act of breaking the veneer of socially acceptable order of their day.

  Chapter 22

  Grace wanted a drink, vodka or wine and wasn’t too fussed about food but Gabe had bought brie, salami, bread and olives and some salad anyway. He made her a plate of something to eat as she poured them both large tumblers of white wine. Grace drank hers down straight and immediately poured another. For such a hot day, the temperature had dropped right down or they had caught too much sun as they both shivered cold up on the hills where they were going to spend the night.

  “I didn’t know about Alistair’s mum. It was going to be the last time I did anything like that. I’m sorry.” Gabe knew that he had lied to Grace, well had not told her the truth. She knew the most secret thing about him but he had kept his illegal actions to himself.

  “I wonder if we ever really know anyone or everything about them.” Grace had made the comment wistfully but Gabe thought that it was the truest thing that he had ever heard.

  Grace could see that sometimes it took something shocking, something really bad had to happen before people really started to change for the better. Alistair losing that box had probably been the best thing to have happened to him, to all of them, in the long run. No one knows what they have got until it is gone, to realise that before it was too late was the greatest gift.

  “Grace, why did you dad hit you?”

  “Because he doesn’t want me to run away. He wants me to stay and be part of what he calls, ‘his regime’. But it is impossible, he makes up all these rules while he breaks them all himself. And he changes the parameters and lies so much, it’s hard to even figure out what he wants. Even if I do reach a goal, there is no prize. He says he will send us mad like Pavlov’s dogs!”

  Gabe thought it all made less sense as it was making more sense, so he just proposed a toast.

  “To us and…to the future.” At this precise moment Gabe felt, perhaps due to the little wars that had been fought and won, that he could do anything. His mind was clear to all the possibilities laid out in front of him. He could paint and sell his paintings online or get a market stall and he could reach the world from his bedroom via the internet. Europe, America, Los Angeles, San Francisco. He could set up a website or join one of those that had everyone’s work on it. There was a huge amount of competition. But so what? Even better. He would just have to be the best.

  Gabe felt now that he could be the best, he could be up there with the greats. Anything was possible, he could taste it, feel it. Gabe could smell it in the air. He felt lucky and suddenly grateful.

  He needed to be strong, to save Grace from all the crap, from the living hell that was her life.

  He could even teach art and travel. The world seemed to be opening up to him. His mum would be ok. He would make her proud of him. Gabe felt strong enough to take on the world.

  “Hey Gabe, what are you thinking about?”

  “Oh you know, the future...taking on the world.”

  “Oh yeah and what do you see in the future Gabe?”

  “Ah, the future…me and you in some little house with big glass windows in the woods, in a warm county mind, not sure where yet. But still somewhere with lots of greens and flowers. Somewhere tropical. Somewhere I can paint, with my wings out. Eating delicious foods and searching for the truths of life. And you doing all the things you love and being famous and celebrated for them. And some nice dinner in the oven. And a dog, a black dog.”

  “Ha, you are funny Gabe. But it does sound nice. Perfect.”

  “Do you think people will talk about us? You know...being together.”

  “Of course not Gabe. Not for long anyway. Hell, everyone’s far too concerned about their own little orbit and gossiping about things that aren’t true to really see what’s going on with anyone or anything true for that matter. Everyone feels like the paranoid central nucleus of their own universe with everyone else looking at them.”

  “Do they?”

  Grace poured herself some vodka. “Yes! Now that they have all been trained to have a low boredom thresholds, even if they do look up from their game stations or computer monitors, which they won’t as they are so addicted they are in a mass consciousness of denial that will take nothing short of a major disaster to break, it will all be forgotten in a week. It is a crazy world.” Grace finished her drink in one gulp.

  “You know you don’t have to drink so much Grace.”

  “I know Gabe but it is like my medicine for now. I don’t know if I will actually be able to function without it, if that makes sense. When you feel like you are swimming upstream alone, it’s nice to feel you have company.”

  “But you’ve got me now Grace, you don’t have to drink. You’re so beautiful and funny and clever and talented. The world is your oyster, you can do anything that you want to but the alcohol will steal all that away from you. I hate to say it Grace but we can break the cycle, you know. We don’t have to end up like our parents! We can find a better way. A way that we think we might have preferred.”

  “You’re right Gabe, completely. But just for tonight Gabe, just for tonight…I want to get a little drunk. I want to dance naked on these hills and sleep with you in the middle of nowhere like we are the only two people left on this damned planet. I want to watch the sun set and rise and feel like I own the horizon. Just for one night Gabe. I want everything to be just mine and perfect.”

  “Well, when you put it like that…” Gabe couldn’t help but smile at Grace. “Your wish is my command, my lady. But first, you must eat this meal I’ve made for you. I’ll feed you myself if you like!” Gabe found the torch and turned it on and left it in the middle of the blankets so that the beam from it illuminated Grace in the twilight.

  And as Grace watched him, Gabe walked around picking up branches, logs and twigs and he dug a hole in the ground and piled the kindling and wood logs in to a circle and he lit them a fire. The fire instantly burned and flamed bright and warmed them up and made them both feel more relaxed and comfortable. The orange, red, yellow and blue flames danced and rose and flickered unpredictably, with no thought. And it looked beautiful, perfect in its imperfection.

  The fire was entrancing and hypnotic, warming and magical, it brought their attentions and their thoughts back to the here and now, to the simple things in life. No technology, no stress, no demands, just the warmth, the healing, the connection to the most simple and at the same time to the most powerful, to the fire. To each other.

  “I think I could live like this forever Gabe. No need for the house in the woods, just me and you, some peace and quiet, a nice log fire, close to nature and enough to keep us going without starving.” Grace let herself fantasise about if everyone could live like that, live in harmony, with each other and
with their planet. What a wonderful world it would be.

  Gabe took her plate of food and started to feed her. He fed her olives and then thin circles of salami between the kisses he gave her, until he had fed her the whole plate of food.

  “I could eat forever with you feeding me like that Gabe.”

  “The sea air makes you hungry.”

  “You make me hungry Gabe.”

  They lay on the ground with Grace’s head resting on his chest, for what could have been minutes or eternities.

  “Do you think that dreams do come true, Gabe?”

  “Yeah I do Grace. Some of them have come true already. I really believe it sometimes, that it is possible, that anything is possible. If you put your mind to it! Dreams and all that, maybe they can all come true.”

  “I think that they can, we’re living proof!” Grace snuggled up to him so close, like she couldn’t get close enough and Gabe put his arm around her and held her tight. He looked down at her face, lying on his chest and he was in no doubt that dreams could and did come true; only he was a little scared of admitting it for fear that in doing so, some kind of spell would be broken.

  “I don’t know Grace, maybe if you want something enough then the universe will bring it to you. Or if the want is enough, then nothing will get in your way. There will be no hurdles that can’t be overcome, if you want something that badly. If you want something enough, when there are no other choices left to you…that, I suppose, becomes your fate. If you want it enough, above all else…then it is your destiny.”

  “Like me and you?”

  “Yeah, just like me and you. So whatever it is that I want I can have!”

  “I suppose you better be careful what you wish for then Gabe but just in case you are right, I would like to pass my exams with good grades.”

  “Yeah, sure, whatever you want babe. You know that’s going to happen anyway, you wanted that. You went to school, you studied in your spare time, you took the exams, I think you want it enough that it will come true.”

  “And maybe a little house somewhere. With a little garden where we can grow vegetables so that we can try and live quite self-sufficiently.”

  “Ok. Done! Anything else on your lists of wants you’d like me to ask the universe?”

  “Ha ha, I could go on. I wish for so many things my head hurts. You with your wings out like it’s the most normal and natural thing to do. And not forgetting World Peace and harmony and healthy families. Recovery from alcoholism, recovery from domestic violence, drug abuse and general all round suffering. Heal the world, heal the people to love again. So that they can love themselves and love each other. Or just tolerate each other, maybe love is asking for a bit too much, even from the universe. But for a fairer world, a better world where everyone is far more happy and content and loving. Can love heal everything?”

  “Well, maybe not the whole world. That is the big question Grace. But if it just heals us that would be a start. We’ll have to just want these things and see what happens. At least we can try and be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.”

  They lay for a while longer, reflecting, contemplating, fantasising, philosophising and dreaming and wondering of a world of love and of kindness and of freedom. Of a future full of log fires, laughter, love and lazy sunny days on deserted hill tops. The future of them both, the two of them...together.

  “Do you think you are the only one with wings Gabe?” Grace turned onto her side to look at Gabe who was staring up into the black night with the fire lighting his features.

  Gabe knew now that he wasn’t but he hadn’t even had the chance to tell Grace about his father yet. Gabe was still trying to absorb and make sense of all that himself.

  “I know now that I am not the only one Grace. I thought that by the time I grew up that maybe loads of people would have come out as having wings, you know, so by the time I was an adult no one would be particularly bothered by it.”

  “But that hasn’t happened! What makes you think then that you aren’t the only one?”

  “Ha! You and your big questions. I met my dad last week, he’s got wings too.”

  “You never said.”

  “There’s been a lot going on Grace.”

  “But apart from your dad then.”

  “Maybe it would be nice to be unique but then it might also be nice to be part of a group connected somehow by our differences. It can get a bit lonely thinking that you’re so different.”

  “Hey come on and take your shirt off, all this talk of wings!”

  Gabe rearranged himself and took off his jacket so that Grace could reach his shirt. Grace gently leant over to him and she undid the buttons, one by one. Gabe freed the shirt from his arms and Grace started on the bandages, slowing unwinding them for him, around and around. It was a weird sensation for Gabe, having someone else do his undressing for him.

  Gabe stretched out his wings wide and tried to ease the pain of the cramps from keeping them bound up, they felt extra tense today, no doubt caused by the earlier confrontation. But, despite all that, they were stronger and healthier than they had been in a long time.

  Gabe and Grace just stared at each other for a while. That was enough. Everything, for a moment, felt perfect. They sat looking out at the starry night, drinking and eating occasionally at their midnight picnic. Gabe felt the drink go straight to his head tonight and the thoughts that were going around his head had, obviously to him, lost their inhibitions. He was tempted to do things that he would not normally dream of doing sober.

  He wanted to undress Grace and he imagined pulling her jumper off her gently and unzipping her dress. He imagined undoing her bra and gently freeing her of her knickers. He imagined her naked and unashamed. He started to imagine her undoing his flies and reaching for him beneath his underwear.

  “Gabe, why don’t you try to fly?”

  “What?” Gabe’s train of thought was interrupted and he felt slightly paranoid that she had been reading his mind. He struggled to catch what she was going on about.

  “You know, here and now.”

  “Fly?”

  “Yes fly! Well you do have wings and you said that you used to be able to...”

  “Well sort of used to be able to. It was more running around and doing bigger jumps and gliding a bit. It was a long time ago now, I don’t know if it would be possible.”

  “But now, can you fly now? Can we try Gabe, please?”

  “I don’t know Grace, probably not. Look at them, I have not used them in years and they’ve gone all weak.” Gabe had built up some strength in the last couple of weeks but he had not actually flown in years. His proportions had all changed and he suspected that it was too late to start again. And besides, what was the point? Where and when was he going to fly? And if the muscles got big and the wings got strong, his hump would just get bigger. Any bigger and he thought that he would no longer be able to find any clothes that fit or be able to leave the house due to being so hugely deformed.

  “They don’t look weak to me Gabe, they look magnificent. Why don’t you try? Come on Gabe…” Grace jumped up and stood with her arms out stretched, palms wide facing the night sky.

  Gabe stood up too, slowly, and he went over to her. He took hold of her jumper and he lifted it over her head. Grace smiled at him, so he continued. He unzipped her dress and it fell to the floor, leaving her standing there in her underwear. Gabe turned her around slowly so that he could admire every part of her; her breasts, her legs, her arms, her back, her shoulders, her neck. All the parts of her that he wanted to study and could just stare at for hours and hours. All the parts that he had imagined. Gabe loved her even more. He fell deeper and kept falling, nothing was catching him or holding him back. He kissed her and undid her bra and as he did so, she undid his flies, hooked her thumbs into his belt loops and tugged his jeans down so that they were both now standing in their underwear.

  Gabe took his boxer shorts off as Grace took off her underwear. Naked, th
ey held hands and again they ran and skipped and they shouted out to the world from under the stars, shouting in the way that you can when you know that no one can hear you and tell you to shut up. They ran and danced until they were sweating. Gabe held on to Grace’s hand tight, afraid that she might fall over as she swung wildly about, around the heather bushes and down towards the stream. He tried to extend his wings, to lift the tips of them up and he felt invigorated as he felt the air and wind beneath his wings.

  Gabe felt his wings growing large, strong and proud and, for a moment, towards the bottom of the hill before they reached the stream in the dark, with only the moonlight and its reflection guiding them, they could have sworn that for a few seconds, their feet had not touched the ground. For the last few metres in their run, it was like they were flying; at the stream’s edge, the glided down, skimming the rock pools before coming down to rest softly in the shallow waters.

  It seemed so natural now just to carry on going into the stream, to swim free in the wild. They were so close to nature that they breathed it, felt it and tasted it. It washed over their bodies and washed away their fears.

  They swam together as if they were the stream, changing and flowing yet tranquil. They were part of the bigger plan, the consciousness of it all, the meaning, the things that no one could quantify or name, a feeling of pure bliss and awareness enveloped them. They both felt a connection with all things; and yet with nothing.

  The feeling was that each tiny moment was an intense place to be. Here and now, just to be. Here and now, was all that mattered, was all that there ever was or will be. All and everything that they had now, was all that they would ever need or ever want. There was something about simply now that felt enough. More than enough, there was nothing else but the now.