Born Different Read online

  Gabe realised he was always wishing his life away, thinking of the future, regretting the past, but now he wished he could just slow time right down and stay in these moments for as long as possible. Hold on to this electricity, this magic, this vibe of wellbeing and serenity.

  Gabe and Grace naked, entwined and holding onto each other tight, locked into a moment that they wished could last forever.

  “I love you Grace!” They kissed and became embroiled in their embrace, lost in a passion, unaware of their actions, just moving on pure instinct.

  They made it to the bank of the river, to the soft sand and they made love again. Washing over each other, in a ritualistic dance with one another that came from a pure unlearned source, a carnal knowledge.

  It was a dance of love to the rhythm of life.

  They felt as if they had been blasted into the sky, far into space by a rocket and were now slowly drifting and swaying back down to earth. Complete, satisfied, with the discovery of a moment that came close to feeling like the meaning of it all.

  Gabe wrapped Grace in a blanket and they sat warming up by the fire, drinking and drinking and looking up at the sky and feeling the ground beneath them. They were there in a place that was timeless, a place that had been there for millennia and would probably be there for another. This was a place where the feet of ancient people had walked and where the feet on people in the far off future would also walk. But in this moment in time, they were there. Grace and Gabe looking up at the stars that had been there since the beginning and would be there till the end. The same stars that all the people that had ever lived had seen and all the people that would ever live would look up at and wonder about too. The sky that was there before anything, before people, before science, before religion. The sky that had witnessed it all and held all the secrets.

  “I love you Grace,” and she smiled at him, with her mouth and with her eyes.

  “I know Gabe.”

  As Gabe lay there, he realised that he had to believe that good triumphed over evil in the end, in the grand scheme of things. That light eventually won over dark. That love would conquer over everything. That love was the cure. Gabe had to believe that. That was the world that Gabe wanted to live in.

  He felt good. Being here felt like Heaven on Earth. Heaven on Earth, Hell on Earth. Gabe was starting to understand things he had heard or read numerous times in the past that he thought he had understood, but he hadn’t at all. Maybe nothing you saw or were told was ever really truly understood by you until the penny finally dropped in your own mind. Not until you learnt the lesson for yourself, experienced the truths first hand. Or the synapses of your brain finally made the right connections so that things started to make sense where they hadn’t before. Or whatever it was. Increased stage of personal evolution, unlocking the potential of you genes, who knows? Gabe didn’t think he knew anything, if anything, the more he figured out, the more he realised that he knew absolutely nothing at all, other than it was all a miracle.

  In the morning, Grace and Gabe woke up in time to walk down to the cliff’s edge to watch the sun rise up from the distant horizon. They were both tired and scruffy and unwashed but in those very early hours, they were alive, conscious and grateful of just being alive.

  Then Grace’s phone started ringing and shocked them both as they had quickly got used to just hearing the sounds of nature; and such a modern day noise was so out of place here, it was almost offensive to the eardrums.

  Grace answered her phone and Gabe could see that she was panicking and getting irate. Something was being said, on the other end of the line, that was upsetting her and Gabe was desperate to know what it was. It is rarely good news when someone calls in the small hours.

  “I’ve got to go home Gabe.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Mum and dad have been having a big fight all night. He's torn all her clothes off of her and thrown her out into the street. She is wandering around, out of it, with no money and nowhere to go. That was Nathaniel, he’s there now but he won’t be for long. I’ve got to go back and sort it out.”

  Grace looked strained and all peace was lost from her features.

  Gabe drove her back as fast as he could. Grace told him to drop her off at the bottom of the road, not to drive up to the house.

  “Please don’t come up Gabe, please don’t get involved.”

  So he didn’t.

  “Ok Grace, just go home and I’ll ring you ok. Or ring me, I’ll be right here. Ok Grace and I love you.”

  “Thanks Gabe!” She hugged him tight and firm like she didn’t want to let go, even though she had to, and then Grace ran up the hill as fast as she could.

  Chapter 23

  As Gabe always did when he had a lot on his mind, he isolated himself. He didn’t feel like he had much choice. He kept his phone on him constantly, waiting for a message from Grace but every time he looked it was only one of The Damned trying to get his attention. Gabe didn’t even read the messages from them. They had made their peace and he really did need to borrow the van to move his gear down to The Exhibition. But he didn’t want to hang out with them, not today, not ever. He didn’t want to get involved in their next drama that was for sure.

  Gabe didn’t even want to hang out with them in the heat down the park, talking shit. He wanted to just think and dwell on the last couple of nights he had spent with Grace, to think of nothing else. But he was worried. Grace had not rung and he didn’t know if he should go and find her. He wanted to but she had told him not to. He was stuck, caught, so he created furiously. He opened up the sky lights to let the sun beam’s keep him company and warm his skin. He painted and glued and built up his sculpture until he had no more energy and needed to rest; needed to go back into the house and sit with his mum and eat and get his strength and senses together. There was no point in falling apart, Grace needed him. He needed to be strong for her, not go to pieces now. And The Exhibition tomorrow, what would he wear? How would be present himself? The black dye was washing out and looked a mess now but he was going to stick with the all black thing. Things seemed to have picked up since he’d started wearing all black and also his mum had gone into his room during one of her ‘episodes’ and cleared out all his other clothes and bought him a few more black pieces, so really he had no other choice.

  Gabe got his phone out of his pocket and was about to check for a message from Grace, in the hope that he had somehow failed to hear or feel it come through, when there was a knock at the window of his studio.

  And there they all were; Frank, Dave and Johnny. All waiting out in the garden for Gabe to let them in.

  “Come on mate, let us in.” Frank looked like the sun was shining right out of his eyes he was that happy.

  “Dave’s got the tattoo gun.” Johnny offered as he held up Dave’s hand, which was holding a bag as some kind of proof.

  Gabe stood there in his locked studio, surrounded by his paintings that were ready to exhibit and with the sculpture now basically finished, with his own wings out. His instinct kicked into gear and he went to immediately reach for the bandages abandoned on the floor but he stopped himself.

  Grace knew about the wings now and his friends? Was it their turn? Did he not owe it to them, these guys that had been there for everything? What if it ever did get out in a few years and they looked back at their time together and he hadn’t told them, after everything they had told him? Would it somehow kill anything good they had ever had between them? Would Gabe’s secret, his lie, just serve to blacken any good memory of any experience that they had shared? Would he be a hypocrite for not telling them, worse than they could ever be? For all he went on about their bullshit, when he was the one telling the biggest lie. Gabe realised that he had to tell them, he had to tell them now, it was time. And the best way to do it, to show them his wings, was to simply open the door.

  Gabe’s friends were happy just to be let into his sanctuary and for a chance to see his paintings and sculpture for The
Exhibition. As they fell into the studio and took in all the art work that dominated the walls that was bright and bold and shocking in its energy and vibrancy, it was a good minute before they all started to turn to look at Gabe properly. Dave noticed first and just stared.

  “Oh my fucking God!”

  The others looked to the oil and acrylic paintings, that were huge and full of images that could garner that statement, then they looked to the sculpture that was even bigger and even more stunning and erotic than the paintings, and then they turned to Gabe to see what Dave was really referring to.

  “Where’s your hump Gabe?” Frank asked incredulously.

  “This is my hump,” was all Gabe could reply.

  “Wings!” Johnny said with a nod and look of approval.

  And then they all jumped on him like he had scored a goal, the goal to win the championship. They were elated to realise he had wings and this made Gabe in turn, feel more elated too.

  “You are one crazy dude,” was all Dave managed to say.

  They all sat down on the cushions on the now tidy and clean floor of the studio.

  “My dad is out of prison,” Dave started as he set up the tattoo machine. The others were taken aback as Dave never spoke about his dad being released.

  “He knocked over a lad drink driving. The lad is alright, now, but my dad will never forgive himself. He’s never touched a drop since. He’s helping young adults in the area with the same sort of issues as he’s got. He doesn’t want me doing the things he used to do. And you know, what with the baby on the way and everything, well, I’ve pawned my gold necklace.”

  Dave had never told them any of this before, not a hint of it.

  Then it was Frank’s turn. “I’m moving out of the house. I didn’t realise but it’s in my name, I got it when I turned eighteen, so can sell it if I want. I’m going to go on a Yoga retreat for the summer and maybe get a job in the area when I get back. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Alistair, I never thought that he would really like me, love me. But…he does. I wanted to get back at him for keeping me at a distance. I thought that he had used me. I believed what I knew about him already and thought he must be using me and was going to leave me after what I thought I’d sacrificed to be with him…you guys. But I knew when we got the box what is was. I didn’t hate him that much. I just wanted to punish him because I love him.” This time, Frank didn’t cry, he just gave a wide grin.

  The three men then turned to Johnny. If Johnny had any secrets, anything to confess, then now was the time to share. But all Johnny said was, “So are we all going to get a tattoo now then?”

  Dave had drawn a design and the others all explained the reasoning behind it as Dave got out some tiny ink holders and filled them with black ink and he showed them where he had drawn the tattoo on his own inner wrist. He said he would tattoo himself first. He had been practising and he had, by his own admission, got very good. He turned on the electric and they all got excited as the buzzing hum of the tattoo machine spun into action.

  They had to get the tattoo now.

  They had decided on something, something that was quite simple. On the inside of their left wrists they were all going to get a tattoo of an eye, stylised in a simplistic form, with three simple lines underneath. They were going to get their matching tattoos put where all the veins were visible, raised and blue, where it was easy to slit and end it all. But they wouldn’t. Not today. Not ever now, if what they had come to believe stayed true, if they stayed true to the truths that had been revealed. The eye was to represent what is the window to the soul, to a knowing, to a higher consciousness and the eye was a reminder to keep their eyes open. To question everything in search of their truth. And the lines beneath were to represent each other, the individual one of them would always have the other three even if they weren’t there, wherever they were in the world, they would be there for each other; a line each like the letter ‘l’ to also represent all the words that they thought embodied everything that they wanted to convey in the simple message. Live, life, laugh, learn, loss, love. lll

  They had to live their one and only life and laugh and learn, educate themselves, accept there would be loss and learn from that too and most importantly they had to love.

  Three lines, three friends, three elements. Heart, mind, soul.

  And really, Dave could hardly fuck up a stylised eye and lll.

  They were beginning to realise that good things could happen to them, not only was it possible, it was already happening. They were not beyond or below dreaming, they had to dream. Their childhoods were over; what should have been the best times of their lives. But they had learnt some important lessons and they had more mistakes and lessons to learn. And they thought that day, in Gabe’s studio, with their fresh well done tattoos, that something important had been recognised...that they had survived.

  Life had taught them that nothing is ever as it seems. That it was better to love and be honest than to fight and that the truth could set them free from their own bullshit built prisons. It had begun to show them what love was and what love wasn’t. Not to take anything for granted. That everyone has secrets. And mostly, that anything was possible.

  The four boys were now in the arena of men and they studied their new wounds, their new tattoos. It didn’t hurt that much even though Johnny was happy to provide some anaesthetic in the form of vodka.

  “I propose a toast then girls.” Johnny stood up and held his left hand in a fist and then he held it high in the air.

  “Fuck money and breaking balls to get it,” Johnny’s voice was steady and normal, although the words didn’t seem like his. “I’ve been doing these deals and making money now for years and I’m no happier. I was treating my dad like shit and he gave up his life for me. He never once dumped me on anyone. He was always there for me. Did all the things a mum should do. He stayed with me while I cried myself to sleep, night after night. Changed my bed sheets even when I was still pissing the bed up in to my early teens. Always kind to me. He could have got a good job, spent loads of time out the house and had loads of girlfriends but he didn’t, he did everything with my best interests at heart. Even though, I know now, he must have felt as bad as I did, if not worse when mum pissed off. It just all hit home when Alistair said what he did, when I looked around, when I started to see people in love. And I thought, who would love me when I lie and put money first? Do I really want someone to love me for the flash lifestyle I could provide or do I want someone to love me for something more? What is the word they use for it Gabe, spiritual, loving? You know, all those really precious things that money don’t buy. Like true friendship and true love. Why would I want to put anyone through what my mum did to me? I guess it was part of the grieving process but...I’m sorry guys. I still want to work and to work hard but no more crime, no more getting my poor old man tied up. I’ve lived with the fear of a tap on my shoulder for too long. I feel like I’ve been living in a straightjacket and I want to be free of it.”

  “Truth. Freedom to be ourselves!” Frank stood up too and raised his left fist in a sign of solidarity and acceptance, Gabe and Dave rose to their feet too.

  They all held their left arms straight out in front of them, they touched knuckles with each other. And as they all looked at the formation they had made and looked into each other’s eyes, it was enough. This was the meaning. They all knew somewhere, without words being used, what the other one meant.

  Dave had also bought his shaving kit and he shaved all their hair short too, a grade 1. It was a time for fresh beginnings and new starts and they wanted to feel clean and new. Then Gabe had an idea. So each of them took a lock of their hair and glued it to the part of the sculpture that they wanted to, not only helping to clean the floor but also adding their genes, their individual personalities, their personal unique coded DNA that had also gone into making Gabe who he was.

  Chapter 24

  The banging on the door was violent and urgent, it shook the house and caus
ed Gabe and Gina to jump and be immediately on edge. Gabe stood up and put his jacket on and Gina went to their front door, it was late and she wasn’t expecting anyone but she opened it anyway. A man who declared himself to be Grace’s father was at their door, all red faced and angry, shouting and screaming and obviously drunk.

  Gina courteously invited him in before she had really thought about it, her instinct to be loving and trusting and to see the good in everyone and not be suspicious, meant that she was not always as guarded and prepared as sometimes it was preferable and safe to be.

  Gina was conscious that she needed to harden and toughen herself up a bit more, she should have learnt by now. She had come across so many bad situations so many times but still, when she was confronted with the same situation, she always reverted to her natural way of being, submissive. Gina cursed herself for it, especially when this situation also involved her son. She should have found the strength to be more confident, or rude, or whatever it was that would have enable her to just say, ‘Fuck off’ and slam the door.

  Grace’s father entered their home, their usually peaceful home, and he didn’t bother with niceties, he just started shouting obscenities at them. He shouted so much and so loudly that it was hard for them to recall all of it afterwards.

  He screamed at Gabe that he was dirty and deformed and ugly and poor, and all sorts of other things along the same lines. He said that he knew who had targeted him with the bullying all those years back, he seemed to know everything, but it was all interspersed with lies. All the shouted and screamed words became a blur after a while and Gina and Gabe just stood in the same spot; in fear, in shock, not really knowing what to do, thinking that it was perhaps them that were going mad.

  The situation was so surreal to them and out of the ordinary that it was as if time stood still as this foreign object like a monster was storming around, spitting out this tirade of words in a way that neither of them had experienced in this space that they called their home.